6 days ago.. and I keep telling myself probably F accidentally liked the pic. Nothing more..
Anyhoos Ramadhan was good
Alhamdulilah. But I know I can do better. I've always wanted to Qiyam but I still remember vividly, one night 3 of us eating happily for buka, watched movie,
golek2 at Fit's crib and one by one.. zzz. Ok lah I don't need to mention who was the first one to doze off :P
Syawal.. Oh yah! Selamat Hari Raya to all muslims lovelies! Maaf zahir & batin!
Alhamdulilah I managed to kiss my both parents' hands on the second day. Why second day.. I wished my whole family members to be present. I know it's not easy. But sometimes, we just gotta learn to forgive people. I have been and am still seeking my inner peace ever since F left. I had panic attacks, twice in a week. On the eve of hari raya and last night. The second attack happened when I was sleeping and had a sudden cough. I was gasping for air for few mins. I will never forget this.. A moment when I can't even call out my mom for help. Crying and thinking if this were my last moments on Earth. Ya Allah,
Alhamdulilah I am still breathing and had the chance to
bersujud again. I am still trying to figure out if I am too stress over something or my body is lack of vitamins. I have been encountering headaches, nausea from time to time. The month F decides not to talk anymore, my menstrual effects getting worse. That month, I was about to collapse from a bike when I was in Bali. I am not too sure if it's due to low blood pressure as I did not managed to eat properly on that day. Last month was bad too. This month, the so called
panic attack. Well I am not too sure if it's called panic attack for my sickness because 8 days ago, doctor claimed that my airways & lungs are fine. But a stream of blood found when I cough on that very night.
Oh boy.. my head is spinning while I'm typing this. Anyhoos, maybe I should find some time to relax. But each time I wanna head to the beach, I will feel guilty because my baby princess is not with me. I mean she's at my in laws but ykno.. as a mother I don't think I can enjoy like I do not have any responsibilities. I know I need to love myself too. I will.. one fine day. As for now, my priorities are my parents and baby girl.
A cute lil ring is on my left finger. Thank you..