I don't know if you readers noticed but I have started to don tudung ever since Ramdhan. I hope it's gonna be permanent but currently what I can say is I am trying to be a better person, to be better Me. Y'kno when you're trying to be yourself and at the same time you keep reminding yourself, you do it for Allah. Trust me, there were days I wanted to go out without it but I will feel guilty the moment I stepped out from the house. I mean I don't want my dad to responsible for my sins. Yeah even though I'm an adult now but my parents are my parents. I do not wish in hereafter They would question him why did you let your daughter to be so so so.. Why am i writing here so that one day if I happened to lose my faith, I might found this post and regain my will to be better. Once someone told me, to do bad things are easy in this life but to maintain good behavior, fuhh.. Only God knows. So I have prayed to God to protect and bless to my loved ones whenever I'm not around them or prolly when I'm no longer around.

Anyhoos, I know i don't need to explain myself regarding this. At this moment, I will remove my tudung when I'm at work. At the office & during runway shows. So yeah you will still see my postings without it. Pardon me yeah.

As for now, have a blissful Friday all!

Assalamualaikum  xx

6 days ago.. and I keep telling myself probably F accidentally liked the pic. Nothing more..

Anyhoos Ramadhan was good Alhamdulilah. But I know I can do better. I've always wanted to Qiyam but I still remember vividly, one night 3 of us eating happily for buka, watched movie, golek2 at Fit's crib and one by one.. zzz. Ok lah I don't need to mention who was the first one to doze off :P

Syawal.. Oh yah! Selamat Hari Raya to all muslims lovelies! Maaf zahir & batin!
Alhamdulilah I managed to kiss my both parents' hands on the second day. Why second day.. I wished my whole family members to be present. I know it's not easy. But sometimes, we just gotta learn to forgive people. I have been and am still seeking my inner peace ever since F left. I had panic attacks, twice in a week. On the eve of hari raya and last night. The second attack happened when I was sleeping and had a sudden cough. I was gasping for air for few mins. I will never forget this.. A moment when I can't even call out my mom for help. Crying and thinking if this were my last moments on Earth. Ya Allah, Alhamdulilah I am still breathing and had the chance to bersujud again. I am still trying to figure out if I am too stress over something or my body is lack of vitamins. I have been encountering headaches, nausea from time to time. The month F decides not to talk anymore, my menstrual effects getting worse. That month, I was about to collapse from a bike when I was in Bali. I am not too sure if it's due to low blood pressure as I did not managed to eat properly on that day. Last month was bad too. This month, the so called panic attack. Well I am not too sure if it's called panic attack for my sickness because 8 days ago, doctor claimed that my airways & lungs are fine. But a stream of blood found when I cough on that very night.

Oh boy.. my head is spinning while I'm typing this. Anyhoos, maybe I should find some time to relax. But each time I wanna head to the beach, I will feel guilty because my baby princess is not with me. I mean she's at my in laws but ykno.. as a mother I don't think I can enjoy like I do not have any responsibilities. I know I need to love myself too. I will.. one fine day. As for now, my priorities are my parents and baby girl.

A cute lil ring is on my left finger. Thank you..